As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for the Department areas, we are forced to cut our number of personnel.
Under the new plan, older employees will be asked to accept early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future plans.
Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed in effect immediately. The program will be known as R.A.P.E. (Retire Aged Personnel Early).
Employees who are R.A.P.E.D. will be given the opportunity to look for other employment outside the company. Provided they are being R.A.P.E.D., they can request a review of the employment records before actual retirement takes place. This phase of the operation will be called S.C.R.E.W. (Survey of Capabilities of retired Early Workers).
All employees who have been R.A.P.E.D. or S.C.R.E.W.E.D. may file an appeal with upper management. This will be called S.H.A.F.T. (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination). Under the terms of the new policies, employees may be R.A.P.E.D. once, S.C.R.E.W.E.D. twice, but may be S.H.A.F.T.E.D. as many times as the company deems appropriate.
If any employee follows the above procedure, he or she will be entitled to get H.E.R.P.E.S. (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance). As H.E.R.P.E.S. is considered a benefit plan. any employee who has received H.E.R.P.E.S. will no longer be R.A.P.E.D. or S.C.R.E.W.E.D. by the company
Subject: Retire Aged Personnel Early Memo funny or not?
hehehe, another excellent one hun
Reply:No - there are loads like this in a book anybody can buy in Smith's -
'Office Scams'
Reply:well.lol
Reply:lol very good you got to get a star for that
Reply:ha ha ha funny
thanks for a laugh
10/10
Reply:It's an oldie.
Since you ask for an opinion, I should say that only those who have never been raped themselves see the funny side of rape.
Reply:I am afraid that I do not find jokes about rape very funny and I cant be accused of having no sense of humour. I even find funny about the spinster who went to the zoo and got assaulted by a gorilla. when her friend visited her in hospital and asked her was she hurt she said of course I am no flowers not even a note from him
Reply:brilliant lol
star.
Reply:hahaha very good thanks
teeth problems
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